The Grand Pooh-Bah, Lord Everything of New Brunswick and Elsewhere Hath Spoken

Excerpt from Canadian Press News Item

Jim Irving, president of J.D. Irving Ltd., one of Canada's biggest pulp and paper companies says New Brunswick could lose its forestry industry if it doesn't allow business to take more wood and become more competitive. Irving, whose family is one of the wealthiest in the world with interests in everything from shipping, oil and gas, and frozen vegetables, wants to double the annual allowable cut on New Brunswick's Crown land.

"We have to increase our allowable annual cut," Irving said. The province has "locked up" an enormous amount of land and from the perspective of his company, whose assets include a major pulp and paper mill in Saint John, it may be too much, he said. "If we can double the wood supply ... then I think we're going some place.... We need to make sure this is about progress, not protest," Irving said.

The Edict of the Grand Pooh-Bah

The Exalted One, Great Patriarch and Protector of the ancient native lands of Acadia and all New Brunswick, His Excellency King Irving hath given His blessing to enlarge the forest lands to be cut by the humble workers of the Irving Empire. Hail to the wondrous blessing and gallant sanction bestowed upon the lowly servants of the Realm. The grateful people are truly blessed to be awarded such an enormous privilege to cut the forest and hew the wood for the greater glory of His Exalted Highness King Irving, the Grand Pooh-Bah, Lord Everything of New Brunswick and Elsewhere, to further the grandeur of His Empire and enrich His coffers so that He can do even greater philanthropic deeds among the poor and wretched of the earth that have so far missed His blessings and been outside His glorious Empire. Praise be that all concerns are laid to rest, along with a few misfortunate ones, and in the ever wise Words of the Exalted Protector "all protest hath been turned to progress." The Irving Empire will glow in burning colours for three thousand years and more harvesting tree after tree sustained by the Word of the Glorious One Himself directly and indirectly by all His indebted mignons.

If anyone doth dare object they shall be exiled forever to the Irving Fishing Lodge and forced to host Ministers of the Liberal Cabinet and take them fishing upon command.